Author Topic: Why can not I control  (Read 1310 times)

bkdileep

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Why can not I control
« on: February 18, 2014, 06:51:36 PM »
Jai Sai Ram
I keep losing my control upon even little provocation. Whatever I have read till now, listened till now just goes into air and I lose control. I feel ashamed as soon as those few minutes of anger passes. I feel ashamed of the level I degraded, shaking with anger, banging doors. Whatever I read about Master or Baba, Bhagavatam Ramayanam gita everything just disappears from my mind. Whatever Baba said about Runaanubandham, patience, saburi and Masters word about how to behave when someone hurts you, or speak something bad. Why can not I make myself stable.
I have this habit. Please tell me if I have psychological problem. My behavior changes from outsiders and with family members.
Whenever any outsider, it can be anyone. Any one but family. I CAN NEVER SPEAK HARSHLY OR STRONGLY with outsider. Even if I speak little bit harshly, it will haunt and disturb me for days. I will tell an  example. Our watchman once banged the door very loudly and with frustation that we did not keep dustbin outside. I opened the door and told him not to bang the door like that since it is almost midnight and elders and speaking. Though I did not raise my voice I spoke it strongly. But that  left me disturbed for days. Many thoughts ran 'He is doing very difficult job. I get frustrated with my work and likewise he was also frustrated. What happened to all that I read and listened.'
When it comes to any one expect my family members, I can not even raise my voice.
But when it comes to my family, any argument, any thing that they do makes me angry and I do not hesitate to shout at them. I bang the doors, my body shakes with anger, it becomes hot with emotion. It can be my sisters or wife or anyone inside family.
It lasts for few minutes at maximum but that leaves me disturbed for days or even  weeks. I feel that I accumulated more sin and whatever I do (reading, pooja etc..,) went in vain.
What should I do?
Should I stop reading all those sacred  books? as I am not able to change a bit
Should I just stop reading about Master? I feel like Ramadasi in Sai Charitra. I remember what Baba told him when he fought with Shama about book
In fact it was only yesterday i felt so immersed reading about Master in Naku Telisina Master. But what did I take away from it?
Master did not even move when people threatened to kill, when people abused. He took abuses and praises a like. Like sthita Prajnya
What have I done? In fact it was today I read in Gita a verse where Arjuna asks Krishna what are the qualities of sthita prajnya (read till that Shloka in parayana)
Are these readings doing any good to me? My wife called me this afternoon complaining about something and someone at home. I lost control over myself after sometime and yelled at her badly, very badly.
What am I doing?
Please advice. Is there no way I can control this from happening?I am not helping myself. Not sure if Baba can forgive me for this

Sai Ram

Swayam

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Re: Why can not I control
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2014, 11:42:45 PM »
Jai SaiMaster

Persist, Persist and ... Persist. Don't loose hope.

Below is what Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi has to say to a devotee who is not able to do  meditation properly as mind keeps wandering

Whatever we practice,becomes the swabhAvA.If control is practiced persistently that will become the swabhAvA.

Sai Master Pravachanamulu has many examples regarding this.

Yes, its all theory . Real test comes when we are at the eye of the storm

Generally with family members the expectation are high and so also the emotions will be like that of a pendulum

Swami Vivekananda says, if you have failed 1000 times in living up to an ideal, try one more time ! (loose translation)

JAi SaiMaster
గురుబోధయొక్క సారం గ్రహించి దాని ప్రకారం మన యోచనను, పనులను సంస్కరించుకొన్నపుడే మనం నిజంగా గురువును ఆశ్రయించినట్లు. అలాగాకుంటే అది మిథ్యాభక్తే.
Whatever we practice,becomes the swabhAvA.If control is practiced persistently that will become the swabhAvA.

Saiuttampallavi

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Re: Why can not I control
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2014, 08:49:46 AM »
Jai Sai Master.

Dear Dileep garu,

You have shared from your heart and we have not shared it. That's the only difference.

We and most of us experience this. There must be common reasons and also individual reasons for our anger which we can imagine easily. We express our anger on our family members because they live under the same roof and our anger needs a vent to express which falls on the people who are right in front of us. Another dormant reason is they/we bear the pain with out much aggressive response. Many times we may not even think twice the pain others experience but our minds keep justifying our acts. I am always correct situation.

Quote
Should I stop reading all those sacred  books? as I am not able to change a bit
Should I just stop reading about Master?

Paarayana is necessary. We all know that clearly. Master garu taught us all about this. Without Paarayana how do we know something is wrong with our actions. Baba taught us what needs to be done through many leelas. Master garu doesnt ask us to do any other sadhana but become better human beings by recognizing and changing our samskaras.

We can only share two precious paragraphs from Master gari teachings.

http://www.saibharadwaja.org/books/saileelamruthamu/saileelamruthamu.aspx?chapter=3

Please read the second paragraph. Last sentence enta amoolyamaindo choodandi. "Mananam chesi acharinchali". No other way but keep remembering every single day. I usually discuss with my wife and son periodically. My wife also practice the same ... express, share and discuss. We brought few changes like sitting in front of Baba, Master garu, Amma garu before we go to bed. We openly request to pardon if any one of us say anything angrily. Maintaining silence now and then, re looking at the situations and the words we use during the moments of anger helps us a lot not to repeat them again. Every day gives us an opportunity to look at ourselves. We just completed Paarayana of Sri Paakalapati Guruvu gari charitra in our community Satsang and learnt about Pachathapam.

Master garu ends Paakalapati Guruvu gari charitra with plain and stright words that pierces through our hearts.

http://www.saibharadwaja.org/books/readbook.aspx?book=Sri-Pakalapati-Guruvugari-Charitra&page=102

How many times we read but every time we tend to forget. No other way but keep trying again and again. Swayam garu quoted the right words from Bhagawan and Swamy Vivekananda.

May Master garu bless us all.

Jai Sai Master.
Jai Sai Master.

bkdileep

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Re: Why can not I control
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2014, 11:54:27 AM »
Thank you very much. Your words brought some relief. Yes what ever you have told is so true. We just need to get rid of those samskaras.
uncontrolled Anger can be man's worst enemy. In Sundarakanda Swamy Hanuma says, after burning Lanka - One who is  in anger can commit any sin. He can kill his Guru family and anyone, He does not know what to speak and what not to speak. great are those who leave their anger just as snake leaves it kubusam
I pray to Sai, Master garu to give me that strength to remember this verse and other Baba sayings about anger.
I can realize why our elders say Kama and Krodha are worst enemies. It is not that there should not be anger, but that anger should be used to make good to people. Rama and Krishna  also showed anger when needed. Their anger is in their control but in my case I fall under control of my anger.
Reading Sai Charitra and reading about Master garu helps. But just not reading. We need to do Nidhi Dhyasa.
Can anyone share what master's take on how to cultivate Nidhi dhyasa.

By the way the link forwarded just suits me at the moment
http://www.saibharadwaja.org/books/readbook.aspx?book=Sri-Pakalapati-Guruvugari-Charitra&page=102

mca.teja

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Re: Why can not I control
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2014, 12:00:48 PM »
Jai Sai Master
http://www.saibharadwaja.org/books/readbook.aspx?book=Sri-Saimaster-Pravachanamulu&page=88
I think the first paragraph in this page can be useful to you and all of us .i too have same problem
neenu oorikane visukuntanu, ekkuvaga vadistanu adi tagginchukovaali